I feel like I haven't written a normal blog post in ages. Not like anyone in the world is reading this. The views on my blog correspond to how alone I've been feeling lately. Which is really fucking alone, pardon my French. I feel so broken, and there is no eloquent way I can put this. My words are jumbled, and confusing. My range of vocabulary words are at a minimum, my bad thoughts taking too much space in my head. I try to write- poems, stories...it's like my heart isn't into it anymore. That breaks me even more.
There are 11 more days until my 16th birthday, and I wish that there wasn't. It's going to be shit, I know it. No dad. No grandma. Who do I even have anymore? In the end there's only me, and I really don't like who I am. So then who's going to be kind to me? I most certainly am not. I've been in so much pain lately, how can I not take that pain and reflect it on my body? I'm fucking sick and twisted, but I am even more sick and twisted for wishing I can cause more pain. It's always in the back of my mind. Deeper
deeper,
deeper,
deeper...
fuck.
I fear I have lost it
xxx
Talia
I'm here.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to email me, I would love to talk with you. girlzofgod(at)gmail(dot)com
I just want you to know that I'm praying for you. :)
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to send you a quick note saying that I'm praying for you. God loves you Talia - you are precious in His eyes!
ReplyDelete"...you are precious and honored in my sight... and I love you..." Isaiah 43, verse 4.
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DeleteHey Talia,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. You are loved more than you know. Please don't lose hope.
Love and prayers,
K
You are loved! Even tho the people in your life continually let you down remember God will never let you down! I will be praying for you and hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday!!!!! :* <3
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful girl, and even though people will let you down, there is Someone who never will. He loves you more than you can ever know and will take all your pain and emptiness away. I love you and am praying for you to find the One you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteTalia, I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving :) today, I am so thankful for you and for your life. <3
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now, and I am mesmerized by your talent and heartbroken over your story. You are beautiful, intelligent, charming and loving. You are so gifted, and by the way, your taste in music is perfect.
We are so alike in many ways: Our love for books, music, tattoos and writing.
And like you, I had a serious struggle with depression. I still battle a lot with it every day, but I've come to the conclusion that I will never let it take over my life like it did last year.
My family had just moved to Ohio, but my dad was still working in Pennsylvania -- and he rarely came back to visit. My mom was constantly criticizing and judging me. My friends were gone. I felt unloved, lonely, and so empty.
I had even lost control of my faith, the very last thread of the small hope I had. I had lots of trouble sleeping at night, and I had terrible nightmares. I bought extra makeup, starved myself, and sacrificed my quiet personality to fit in and try to make friends. And I still felt like no one would notice whether I existed or not.
I found your blog through the other Talia, and I'm so glad I did. There's a verse in the bible that says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Talia, He saved me, and I know He will save you, too. I know it's hard to go through certain things, but God will not leave us through any of it. And I don't know why I had to move, or why I always felt so depressed, or why the same God who gives also takes away... but I know that He never wastes a hurt. Maybe the reason I went through everything that I did was so I could encourage you with this comment. He has a perfect plan for you and I am so excited to see where He takes your life :)
I want you to know that you are so loved, and if you ever need anything, I can give you my number and we can talk. You are so strong and so incredible. <3
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I have cried so many times, because I can sympathize with what you're going through. Please, just keep going no matter what. Sending you virtual hugs <33
xoxo,
Natalia
PS -- I'm sorry this is a day late. It took me a while to write it haha! I actually left an even longer comment a couple of days ago, but blogger crashed because of how long it was :P