I don't know why I don't have the capability to open up to anyone. I keep all of this negativity inside of me, and it's acidic tendencies are slowly eating away at my insides, making me feel so hollow. I have many good days, and many bad days, so does that mean I'm not depressed? I feel better in the summer time. I don't know what it is. Maybe the fact that I am spending a vacation away from not only the extreme pressure of school, but also the extreme pressure of my blade.
        But it is days like today in which I hate myself for not having thousands and thousands of deep gashes coating my arms, legs, and stomach. I am so disappointed in myself. I can't even self-mutilate myself correctly. Fuck me.
         I've become such a cliche, that I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don't know who I even am anymore.
         I don't know if I am okay, or if I am on the verge of slipping further and further away each and everyday.
         I don't want help. I don't want anything. Or is it the fact that I want something, but I just don't know what that something is yet?